Former India cricketer Robin Uthappa has opened up about his battle against depression given the recent death of ex-England cricketer Graham Thorpe. Uthappa, who retired from Indian cricket in 2022 spoke on his YouTube channel about how depression makes one empty and almost a burden on oneself and he dealt with it.
Thorpe, who died at the age of 56, took his own life due to depression as revealed by his wife recently. Uthappa said that there have been multiple cricketers and sportspersons who have taken their own life because of being clinically depressed while revealing his own battle around 2011 saying that he couldn't look at himself in the mirror.
“I recently heard about Graham Thorpe and we have heard about multiple cricketers who have ended their lives because of depression. Even in the past, we have heard of athletes and cricketers who have ended their lives because of clinical depression. I personally have been there as well. I know for a fact that it's not a pretty journey. It's debilitating, it's exhausting and it's heavy. It feels burdening," Uthappa said in a video he posted on social media and his YouTube channel.
Uthappa said that he was ashamed of who he had become and felt like he was burdening his loved ones while just not wanting to get out of his bed for days and weeks.
“You feel like you are worthless. You feel like you are a burden to the people who you love. You feel like absolutely hopeless. Every step feels heavier and heavier. Every step you take, it feels like more is being added on to you. And just feel immobile. I went through weeks and months and years of just not wanting to get out of the bed,” he added.
“I remember in 2011 I went the year so ashamed of who I became as a human being that I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I went all of 2011 just not looking at myself in the mirror. I did avoid any opportunity or even an instance of me looking at myself anywhere. And I know how defeated I felt in those moments. I know how burdensome my existence had become. I know how far away from being purposeful in life,” Uthappa further said.
Uthappad made his comeback to the Indian team in 2014 after having a bumper IPL season for Kolkata Knight Riders where he won the Orange Cap scoring 660 runs in a season while his team won the championship. However, post 2014 too he wasn't regular and played his last for the national team in 2015.
