The concept of keeping someone "on the back burner" – romantically interested but not currently pursued – isn't new. But the ease of digital connection in our modern world has made it a more prominent phenomenon. Why are so many people choosing to simmer these potential partners on the side, instead of committing fully to one flame?
What is a ‘back-burner’ relationship?
A back burner relationship typically refers to a situation where someone keeps another person romantically or emotionally interested but doesn't prioritize or fully commit to the relationship. It's like placing that relationship "on the back burner" while focusing on other priorities or perhaps even other relationships. The person might keep the back burner relationship going for various reasons, such as convenience, fear of being alone, or not wanting to fully let go of the person, but they're not actively investing the time and effort needed for it to flourish. This can lead to confusion and frustration for the person who is kept on the back burner, as they may feel neglected or uncertain about where they stand in the relationship.
Reasons why people choose ‘back-burner’ relationship:
Fear of missing out (FOMO) culture:
In an era characterized by endless choices and opportunities, the fear of missing out (FOMO) has become a pervasive cultural phenomenon. This mindset extends to relationships, where individuals may hesitate to fully invest in one person for fear of missing out on other potential connections or experiences. Back-burner relationships provide a safety net, allowing individuals to explore other options while keeping a familiar connection as a fallback.
Commitment phobia and keeping things casual
Back-burner relationships can also be a way to avoid commitment. By keeping things casual with someone else, you can maintain a sense of freedom and excitement even while in a relationship. This can be appealing to those who are wary of serious commitments or who prioritise independence.
Technology and accessibility:
The proliferation of dating apps and social media platforms has transformed the way people meet and interact. While these tools offer unprecedented access to potential partners, they also contribute to a sense of disposability in relationships. The ease with which individuals can swipe through profiles or engage in casual communication fosters a mentality of always seeking something better. In this context, back-burner relationships may serve as a means of maintaining a sense of security amidst the uncertainty of modern dating.
Convenience and low maintenance
The beauty of a back-burner relationship is that it requires minimal effort. A quick text or social media interaction keeps the connection alive without the intensity of a full-fledged relationship. This can be attractive for busy individuals or those who are simply not looking for something demanding.
Emotional investment vs practicality:
Back-burner relationships can also be driven by a desire for emotional connection without the full commitment of a traditional partnership. In some cases, individuals may genuinely care for their back-burner partners but prioritize practical considerations such as distance, timing, or compatibility issues. Rather than cutting ties completely, they choose to keep the connection alive in the hopes that circumstances may change in the future.
Alternatives to consider
If you find yourself drawn to back-burner relationships, consider these alternatives:
Honest communication: Openly discuss your needs and desires with your current partner. Perhaps your relationship can evolve to be more fulfilling.
Focus on self-discovery: Spend time figuring out what you truly want from a relationship before seeking external validation.
Clean breaks: If a relationship isn't working, end it cleanly before pursuing something new.
ALSO READ: What is ‘All Or Nothing’ dating mindset? Know how it affects your dating life
