We have all heard stories about the silent treatment or stonewalling in relationships, but what is it exactly and how can you best deal with it? Stonewalling is a term that has been around for centuries but is now becoming much more prevalent in modern-day relationships. To understand what it is and how to cope with it, let's take a closer look at stonewalling and its effects.
Stonewalling, also known as the silent treatment, is defined as a refusal to communicate or cooperate with someone. This refusal can be physical, verbal, or emotional. It often takes the form of ignoring someone completely or refusing to respond to their requests or inquiries. The stonewaller will usually remain expressionless and unresponsive, refusing to engage in conversations or respond to questions.
Stonewalling can have serious impacts on a relationship. It can create feelings of hurt, anger, confusion, and isolation in the person receiving the silent treatment. The person being ignored may start to feel like they don’t matter and their efforts to engage are not appreciated. This sense of being shut out can lead to feelings of extreme frustration and can cause resentment between partners.
One of the most common causes of stonewalling is when one partner is feeling overwhelmed by the other’s emotions. They may be feeling attacked or overwhelmed by the other’s anger, sadness, or disappointment. The stonewaller may be trying to protect themselves from feeling overwhelmed by their partner’s emotions and trying to shut down communication so they don’t have to face them head-on.
So how do you deal with stonewalling in a relationship? The first step is recognizing it for what it is and not trying to make excuses for your partner’s behaviour. It’s important to understand that stonewalling doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t care about you - it’s just their way of coping with difficult emotions. Once you understand this, it becomes easier to have a productive conversation about what’s going on and come up with strategies for dealing with it in the future.
If you are the one being stonewalled, it’s important to remain calm and demonstrate understanding. Don’t take it personally and don’t become defensive - your partner may be feeling overwhelmed and just needs some space. Let them know you are there for them and encourage them to express their feelings without becoming angry or attacking you.
It can also be helpful for both partners to practice mindful communication. This involves speaking calmly and listening actively without becoming defensive or attacking one another. When both partners practice mindful communication, it creates an atmosphere of safety in which both parties feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment or criticism from the other person.
Finally, if the stonewalling persists or becomes a regular occurrence, it may be necessary to seek professional help from a couples therapist who can help guide both partners in learning healthier ways of communicating with each other. A therapist can provide tools and resources for working through difficult conversations in a productive manner that fosters understanding and connection rather than feelings of anger or disconnection between partners.
Stonewalling in relationships can create a lot of hurt and frustration for both parties involved. By recognising what stonewalling is and understanding its causes, couples can learn how to better communicate with one another and create a safe environment in which feelings can be expressed without fear of judgement or criticism. With patience and understanding, it is possible for couples to work through this issue together without damaging the relationship further.
