Know how India's famous boxer M C Mary Kom fought for her love

New Delhi: Indian Olympian and five time world boxing champion, M C Mary Kom has been impressing everyone with her bouts in the ring since her debut in international boxing arena.Mary is very tough against her rivals but beneath a tough exterior, lies a soft heart, which once tackled high tension drama from her parents.Mary Kom admitted that she had to fight for her love Onler in her autobiography.Mary in her autobiography revealed: “I was in Delhi during a training session in 2000 when Onler and a friend of his came to see me. He was then the president of the Kom-Rem Students' Union in Delhi and was pursuing a degree in Law. He was responsible for the welfare of Kom students in Delhi, one of the most popular destinations for students from the Northeast. Onler had been entrusted with the charge of looking me up and informing me about the union and its activities.”She added, “I was quite surprised to hear that I had a visitor, because I didn't know anybody in Delhi. We shook hands and spoke a little. He was much older than me, and I thought of him almost as a concerned, older brother. Before he left, he told me that I must get in touch with him if I needed any help.”Then she called him as a gesture before leaving for Manipur. She asked him if he needs anything from back home he asked her home cooked food and dry fish. It was then that the friendship between the two blossomed.They got closer to one another and on the other hand women boxing was becoming more popular.Mary stated this situation in her autobiography as, “Meanwhile, women's boxing was becoming a popular sport. In 2003, I received the Arjuna Award, which was a huge boost for my career. With this, my ratings in the marriage market shot up too. Back home, young and old suitors began to approach my parents. In my work sphere too, I began to get a lot of unwanted attention from admirers. All of this made me restless and uncomfortable. I spoke to Onler about the situation.”Onler thought that Mary would quit her boxing career after the marriage. Onler felt compelled by the need to protect her as he kept himself updated with all the news from the backhome about the proposals her parents are getting and thought that her parents may marry her without her consent and her career may end up. After some days, Onler proposed her for marriage on phone but she refused because of her career and love for boxing.Some days passed, Onler took her to coffee shop and said, “‘I want to protect your career, and that is one of the main reasons for my proposal”. He added, “I will never come between you and your career.”She accepted and married Onler in a secret affair at Delhi court. But she knew that her father will not accept this marriage.Following is an edited excerpt from the book Unbreakable: An Autobiography, by Mary Kom: Sure enough, when I finally mustered the courage to tell them, Apa told me stop seeing Onler and concentrate on my sport without the bother and hindrance of a marriage. I pleaded with him to meet Onler before he passed judgement on him.So far, when the many proposals kept pouring in, Apa had resolutely turned them down. He wanted me to focus only on my boxing and to improve my ratings. Naturally, he wasn't happy with Onler's proposal either.Finally in 2004, Onler and I decided to go to Manipur and face the music. He wanted to meet my parents first, before his father went to meet them. What if they refuse, I asked him. He paid no heed and prepared to meet them by himself. I informed my parents that he would be visiting. He took a public transport bus from his village to Moirang and walked two-and-a-half kilometres to my house in Kangathei. He describes it as a long, hot journey. Anu received him at the gate and brought him in. But Apa's countenance changed to a ‘deathly look' (as Onler puts it) upon seeing him.‘Who are you?' Apa asked.‘I am Onler, son of Rekhupthang Karong, chief of Samu Lamlan village.'‘You …,' my father paused to control his rage, ‘are you thinking of putting an end to my daughter's career? Why are you disturbing her? Are you showing me disrespect?' My father was not pleased with Onler's visit and did not bother with playing the gracious host. Without even looking at the visitor's face, he continued, ‘Don't follow my daughter around. If you don't help her, there will be others who will. I don't want you acting smart, trying to convince me.'I felt sorry for Onler, because my father did not give him a chance to speak. Finally, patiently, he explained that he truly loved and cared for me. He wanted to marry me and take care of me, even if it meant putting his own career on the line. He had even given up his job in Customs and Excise to be near me. Apa was not convinced by all this. As Onler stood up to leave, my father coldly told him not to send his parents across for any negotiations. Anu was very upset with Apa's behaviour, and so was I. But I knew better than to expect anything else of him. Anu and I walked a short distance with Onler, who pleaded with her once again to understand his true intentions. He wanted to be by my side, especially because I was often travelling by bus or train and it could be unsafe for a young girl. ‘What if someone forcibly abducts her and marries her?' he asked. Anu was supportive and asked him to send his parents to our house for the ‘talk'. She promised that she would do her best to convince Apa. Her kind words lifted his spirits as he made his way back to his own village.The traditional manner in which a boy's family asks for a girl's hand in marriage is by boiling tea in the girl's house This is done thrice before the date of the wedding is finalized. The first time Onler's parents came, my maternal uncle welcomed them warmly. The first boiling-tea session is usually a hush-hush affair, to be done only by two or three members of the boy's family – usually only the parents. If the girl's parents accept the proposal, they drink the tea. When Onler's father came to my house with a few family members, Apa did not even allow them to enter the house.Apa's childish behaviour embarrassed, upset and angered me. I left home and went to a friend's place. My parents searched all over, but couldn't find me. They became frantic. Anu even called Onler to enquire. He was so worried that he borrowed a scooter and rushed to Moirang. Unable to enter my house, he sent someone to ask if I had returned. By then I had. He then went back to Imphal, where his sister lives. Early next morning, I packed a few of my things and went to Imphal. I intended to elope with Onler. I was still angry and felt let down by my father.‘Let's get married, with or without my parents' approval. And then let's go to Delhi,' I told Onler.He calmed me down, and said, ‘Mary, you are the eldest. You should not act like this. I am also the last one in my family to get married. We should not disgrace our families.'By then, my mother had come to take me back home. Anu knew that Onler was in Imphal, so his was the first house she checked at there. With Onler's assurance that he would talk to my father again, I reluctantly followed Anu home. Another day, I made a second attempt to convince Onler to leave home, but he firmly refused. Our family had endured many hardships together to let me follow my passion, and now Apa couldn't understand why I was willing to lose everything just when things were finally looking up. But slowly he cooled down and began to see the honour in Onler's intentions, and also that he did not take advantage of my vulnerability. Knowing my temperament, Apa knew I was unlikely to back down.When I had calmed down somewhat, I had a heart-to-heart chat with him. ‘You cannot help me. Don't you know how difficult it is to get things done without help?'Apa relented and sent a messenger to Onler's family to come and boil tea at our house. Putting the previous episode behind them, Onler's family came and boiled tea again in February 2004. This time, my parents drank gladly. The second time that tea was boiled, his parents came with prominent elders of the family. The most important is the third tea-boiling ceremony when there was a big gathering of relatives and friends from both families. Onler's family brought sweets and delicacies to the event. This was a public declaration of our engagement. After the ceremony, held in November 2004, the elders fixed a date for our marriage. With that, I was officially betrothed to Onler.And after a long struggle ‘The wedding date was set for 12 March 2005'.