Devastated as captain, Tendulkar wanted to quit: Autobiography

New Delhi: He might be revered as the ‘God of Cricket' but there was a phase in Sachin Tendulkar's awe-inspiring career when the batting maestro felt so “scarred” and “devastated” by the Indian team's ineptitude under his captaincy that he wanted to completely move away from the sport.

The 41-year-old former batsman, who claimed almost every record that is there to be taken in international cricket before calling it quits last year, has finally opened up about the dark days he survived in a career which spanned over two decades.

In his autobiography ‘Playing it My Way', to be released worldwide on November 6, the much-admired but reticent batting legend has dwelled on the frustrations he faced during his reign as captain—a phase which is considered the biggest debacle of his otherwise enduring love affair with cricket.

“I hated losing and as captain of the team I felt responsible for the string of miserable performances. More worryingly, I did not know how I could turn it around, as I was already trying my absolute best,” recalls Tendulkar in the book, the first exclusive excerpts of which are with PTI.

“I confided in (wife) Anjali that I feared there was nothing more that I could do to stem the tide of defeats.  Losing a string of very close matches had left me badly scarred. I had given it everything and was not sure that I could give even 0.1 per cent more.

“...It was hurting me badly and it took me a long time to come to terms with these failures. I even contemplated moving away from the sport completely, as it seemed nothing was going my way,” reveals the diminutive right-hander in the much-awaited book co-authored by noted sports journalist and historian Boria Majumdar.

This period of disillusionment dates back to 1997 when the Indian team was touring the West Indies. After drawing the opening two Tests, the Indians seemed to be heading for a victory in the third, chasing a mere 120. But in an inexplicable disaster, the tourists were bowled out for 81 with only VVS Laxman managing a double-digit score.

“Monday 31 March 1997 was a dark day in the history of Indian cricket and definitely the worst of my captaincy career. And yet it had promised so much. In fact, over dinner at a restaurant in St Lawrence Gap in Barbados the night before, I remember having a joke with the waiter, who was predicting a West Indian win. He was confident that Ambrose would bounce India out the next morning,” Tendulkar writes.

“Now, in the first innings of this match, Franklyn Rose had bowled me a bouncer and I had pulled him into the stands for six. So I reminded the waiter of the shot and jokingly said to him that if Ambrose tried to bowl me a bouncer, I would hit him all the way to Antigua.

“I was so confident of our chances that I pointed to the fridge and said he should immediately chill a bottle of champagne and I would come and open it the next day and pour him a glass to celebrate winning the match,” Tendulkar says in the book.

“Instead, we collapsed for a miserable 81 all out, handing the West Indies a 38-run victory. Frankly, there can be no excuses for such a poor batting effort, even though it was a difficult track. I certainly don't want to point fingers at anyone for the defeat, as that's not my way. In any case, I was part of that team and as captain it was my responsibility to steer us to victory. I did not get the feeling that we were over-confident, yet none of the batsmen apart from Laxman even reached double figures in the second innings and it was one of the worst batting displays I have been part of,” he adds.

In fact, for Tendulkar, who retired with a mammoth 15,921 from 200 Tests and 18,426 runs from 463 ODIs, the defeat was so painful that it still rankles whenever he travels down memory lane.

“I myself got out for just four. In my anxiety to get a feel for the ball I got a tentative edge. I should either have left the ball alone or tried to counter-attack. The defeat left me totally devastated and I shut myself in my room for two whole days trying to come to terms with the loss. I still feel the pangs of that defeat when I look back at the series,” he says.